By affecting memory, thinking skills, and behavior, Alzheimer’s disease can cause personality changes. For family members, coping with these changes is difficult. The loved one with Alzheimer’s may seem like a different person, causing their family to mourn for the person they once knew.
Some may deal with this grief by trying to control the situation. They may contradict their loved one or try to make them act “normal.” Yet, this approach does not help, and only adds to the emotional difficulty for the family and the person with dementia.
Marie Marley, award-winning author of “Come Back Early Today: A Memoir of Love, Alzheimer’s and Joy,” illustrated this in a recent Huffington Post article. A woman with dementia frequently carried a doll around with her and treated it like an actual baby. She also frequently asked to see her father, who had been deceased for a decade.
Her husband grew increasingly frustrated by her behavior; he tried to get her to stop carrying the doll and tried to persuade her that her father was dead, going so far as to show her the death certificate.
While his frustration and reaction are certainly understandable, they only served to confuse his wife further and upset her, which in turn, exacerbated his own frustration.
Marley rightly says, “If we focus on what our loved one can’t do rather than what they still can do, visiting will be painful. If we focus on comparing the person’s current mental state to their previous one, we will suffer.”
The best way to cope with changes in your loved one’s personality is to accept those changes. Get to know the person they are now and learn to appreciate who they are now. If you can do this, you’ll enjoy your time with them much more, and so will they.
Of course, acceptance is a process, and is easier said than done. One thing that can help you cope with the emotional challenges is talking to people who know what you’re going through. At our Bridges by EPOCH memory care communities, we host support groups every month for dementia caregivers. These groups offer a safe environment to talk openly about your experiences with others who have travelled the same journey.
At Bridges by EPOCH at Hingham, support groups are held the second Tuesday of each month at 5 p.m. Upcoming groups will be on April 8, May 13 and June 10. If you’d like to learn more or want to RSVP, call 781-749-7114.
At Bridges by EPOCH at Westford, caregiver support groups meet on select Mondays at 4:30 p.m. Upcoming groups will be held on March 24, April 28, May 19 and June 23. Call 978-692-9541 to RSVP or learn more.